Kanmani - the very special child
*Kanmani*
Its 1.45pm and slowly parents, grandparents and van drivers gather at the entrance of the school gate to pick up their bundles of joy. Most mothers are busy chatting about various topics from phonics class, dance class, music class, to what lunch they had at home. A few parents and grandparents are busy with their phones. Van drivers couldn’t resist themselves from getting today’s share on the piping hot varutha verkadalai. While all of them were busy, Kanmani’s mom was standing alone and eagerly waiting for the gate to open.
Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! Goes the bell and the gate opens. All the parents, grandparents, van drivers try to squeeze into the small gate slowly, to pick their little ones. Kanmani’s mom walks closer to Kanmani with a bright smile as if she is seeing her daughter after several years. But Kanmani is busy playing with the tag on her bag, not noticing her mother.
Kanmani’s class teacher asks her mother to wait for a while, while she sends off the other kids. As she waits, a few mothers smile at her, some of them with a mocking stare and some did not notice her. Such stares aren’t new to Kanmani’s mom.
While all this was happening, Kanmani is busy playing with Nila banging and swinging each other’s lunch bags, giggling to glory. Kanmani and Nila share a special bond since their birth, as they stay in the same apartment. As the crowd wades off, the class teacher informs Kanmani’s mom that she is getting better at interacting with her classmates and is seated in class when required. Kanmani’s mom is happy to hear that from the teacher who had a big list of complaints during the last month’s parents teachers meeting ranging from not being seated in her place, not listening to the teacher to not playing with friends. And the feedback from the same teacher now assured Kanmani’s mom that she is in the right track.
Kanmani waves bye to her teacher with her trademark smile, however doesn’t look at her. This is yet another concern Kanmani’s mom and teacher have – not maintaining eye contact with people while talking. Yes! Kanmani is a child with autism spectrum disorder. So what?
Kanmani and her mom stroll down the road towards their home. Kanmani walks in front of her mom looking at things around and naming them…. ‘Verkadalai’, ‘Car’, ‘Van…Hey Vanla Nila po’..and her mom adds ‘Aamam da chellam. Nila vanla veetuku pova’. Kanmani continues.. ‘Signal’ ‘Red..’ and she goes on and on. Kanmani flaps her hand now and then when she gets excited looking at things she knows. She continues to do the same while walking on the road. A few people on the road who aren’t busy with their phones, stare at her. Some wonder why the mother is not holding the child. Some give dirty looks at Kanmani’s mother as if she is doing a big sin.
Kanmani’s mom doesn't bother about what others think and react. This wasn’t so till few months back. Kanmani’s mom was extremely conscious about what people around say or think about her and her family. A year back when Kanmani wasn’t reacting to anything her parents spoke to her, they were doubtful if her hearing skills were not adequate. They consulted an ENT and their regular Paediatrician who referred them to a Clinical Psychologist and Developmental Paediatrician. After a series of assessments of her play and other behaviours, she was diagnosed to have Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Like most homes, Kanmani’s parents faced a lot of challenges from being blamed, to ignored by a few close family members and friends. This includes Nila’s parents who never let Nila and Kanmani play together, despite being close friends. It took about 8-10 months for Kanmani’s parents to accept the reality, forget about the hunt for the cause and focus on the future. That was when Kanmani started attending speech therapy, occupational therapy and special education sessions. Unlike the status in several Western countries, India is yet to have support system and professionals for handling children with special needs in every mainstream school. It was a big challenge to get Kanmani admitted to a mainstream school. Every day while picking up Kanmani from the school, her mother gets reminded of the words from Kanmani’s special educator ‘Ava aendha alavuku normal school-la set aavanu therila. Try pani parpom. Let her attend as long as she can. Pressurise pana vendam. But attending the therapies regularly is a must. Gradually if we find her interested in something else other than education, we can start focussing on that. Ilena you can get her enrolled in an early intervention centre which will have all therapies and then shift to normal school from 1st standard’. This was when Kanmani’s mom had a doubt that most parents have ‘If she sees other children with special needs who are more severe, willnt she start learning their behaviours and get worse?’. The special educator smiled at her and said ‘Special kid o normal kid o, each child will definitely imitate and learn behaviours from each other. If we encourage a behaviour it will continue existing. If we ignore it, it will go off. Namba idhu pannaadha pannaadhenu sona, kandippa kuzhandhaigal panuvanga. Inga parunga, enoda son, he is 12 years now, class la first, sema smart and intelligent. He grew up with special kids. Idhukumela ungalku ena example venum? Its all in your hands to give the best for your child. Suthi irukravunga aayiram solvanga. Hear them and take in only what is good for Kanmani. Your involvement is very important’. That moment changer her perception of life. These words keep ringing in Kanmani’s mom’s ears every now and then.
As Kanmani and her mom reach their apartment, the friendly security greets Kanmani and they give a high-five (this is a routine activity they follow every afternoon). Kanmani jumps and hops on each tile without looking down, as she has extra ordinary spatial orientation. Something hits on her foot. She looks down and finds an empty tetra pack drink. With no reaction on her face, she bends down, takes it and throws in the dustbin. An elderly couple walking behind Kanmani’s mom murmur saying ‘Road-la kupai podra old and young generation irukra indha kaalathula, indha Kanmani kutty evalo azhaga mathavanga senja thappai kuda correct pandrala’. Kanmani enters her block in the apartment, walks back to her mother who is walking behind her. Kanmani’s mom is confused. By the time she could guess the reason, Kanmani says ‘Light.. Light off..Light off’. Kanmani’s mom walks to the switch board and switches off the light. Kanmani’s mom climbs the stairs proudly along with her daughter who follows whatever is taught to her diligently. Kanmani grabs the keys from her mom and opens the door of their flat and they both enter into their ‘world of happiness’, without anyone around to judge them.
An hour later, the calling bell rings ‘Ting Tong!’. Kanmani knows who it would be. She runs to the door shouting ‘Nila! Nila!’. Her mom helps her open the door, and Nila walks in with her little pup towards Kanmani.
P.S.Thanks to all the children with special needs and families I have met and worked with over several years. They are my main inspiration. Their smile, discipline, care, love and abilities are contagious. Definitely not the ‘disability’! Empathize and not sympathize.
Its 1.45pm and slowly parents, grandparents and van drivers gather at the entrance of the school gate to pick up their bundles of joy. Most mothers are busy chatting about various topics from phonics class, dance class, music class, to what lunch they had at home. A few parents and grandparents are busy with their phones. Van drivers couldn’t resist themselves from getting today’s share on the piping hot varutha verkadalai. While all of them were busy, Kanmani’s mom was standing alone and eagerly waiting for the gate to open.
Trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! Goes the bell and the gate opens. All the parents, grandparents, van drivers try to squeeze into the small gate slowly, to pick their little ones. Kanmani’s mom walks closer to Kanmani with a bright smile as if she is seeing her daughter after several years. But Kanmani is busy playing with the tag on her bag, not noticing her mother.
Kanmani’s class teacher asks her mother to wait for a while, while she sends off the other kids. As she waits, a few mothers smile at her, some of them with a mocking stare and some did not notice her. Such stares aren’t new to Kanmani’s mom.
While all this was happening, Kanmani is busy playing with Nila banging and swinging each other’s lunch bags, giggling to glory. Kanmani and Nila share a special bond since their birth, as they stay in the same apartment. As the crowd wades off, the class teacher informs Kanmani’s mom that she is getting better at interacting with her classmates and is seated in class when required. Kanmani’s mom is happy to hear that from the teacher who had a big list of complaints during the last month’s parents teachers meeting ranging from not being seated in her place, not listening to the teacher to not playing with friends. And the feedback from the same teacher now assured Kanmani’s mom that she is in the right track.
Kanmani waves bye to her teacher with her trademark smile, however doesn’t look at her. This is yet another concern Kanmani’s mom and teacher have – not maintaining eye contact with people while talking. Yes! Kanmani is a child with autism spectrum disorder. So what?
Kanmani and her mom stroll down the road towards their home. Kanmani walks in front of her mom looking at things around and naming them…. ‘Verkadalai’, ‘Car’, ‘Van…Hey Vanla Nila po’..and her mom adds ‘Aamam da chellam. Nila vanla veetuku pova’. Kanmani continues.. ‘Signal’ ‘Red..’ and she goes on and on. Kanmani flaps her hand now and then when she gets excited looking at things she knows. She continues to do the same while walking on the road. A few people on the road who aren’t busy with their phones, stare at her. Some wonder why the mother is not holding the child. Some give dirty looks at Kanmani’s mother as if she is doing a big sin.
Kanmani’s mom doesn't bother about what others think and react. This wasn’t so till few months back. Kanmani’s mom was extremely conscious about what people around say or think about her and her family. A year back when Kanmani wasn’t reacting to anything her parents spoke to her, they were doubtful if her hearing skills were not adequate. They consulted an ENT and their regular Paediatrician who referred them to a Clinical Psychologist and Developmental Paediatrician. After a series of assessments of her play and other behaviours, she was diagnosed to have Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Like most homes, Kanmani’s parents faced a lot of challenges from being blamed, to ignored by a few close family members and friends. This includes Nila’s parents who never let Nila and Kanmani play together, despite being close friends. It took about 8-10 months for Kanmani’s parents to accept the reality, forget about the hunt for the cause and focus on the future. That was when Kanmani started attending speech therapy, occupational therapy and special education sessions. Unlike the status in several Western countries, India is yet to have support system and professionals for handling children with special needs in every mainstream school. It was a big challenge to get Kanmani admitted to a mainstream school. Every day while picking up Kanmani from the school, her mother gets reminded of the words from Kanmani’s special educator ‘Ava aendha alavuku normal school-la set aavanu therila. Try pani parpom. Let her attend as long as she can. Pressurise pana vendam. But attending the therapies regularly is a must. Gradually if we find her interested in something else other than education, we can start focussing on that. Ilena you can get her enrolled in an early intervention centre which will have all therapies and then shift to normal school from 1st standard’. This was when Kanmani’s mom had a doubt that most parents have ‘If she sees other children with special needs who are more severe, willnt she start learning their behaviours and get worse?’. The special educator smiled at her and said ‘Special kid o normal kid o, each child will definitely imitate and learn behaviours from each other. If we encourage a behaviour it will continue existing. If we ignore it, it will go off. Namba idhu pannaadha pannaadhenu sona, kandippa kuzhandhaigal panuvanga. Inga parunga, enoda son, he is 12 years now, class la first, sema smart and intelligent. He grew up with special kids. Idhukumela ungalku ena example venum? Its all in your hands to give the best for your child. Suthi irukravunga aayiram solvanga. Hear them and take in only what is good for Kanmani. Your involvement is very important’. That moment changer her perception of life. These words keep ringing in Kanmani’s mom’s ears every now and then.
As Kanmani and her mom reach their apartment, the friendly security greets Kanmani and they give a high-five (this is a routine activity they follow every afternoon). Kanmani jumps and hops on each tile without looking down, as she has extra ordinary spatial orientation. Something hits on her foot. She looks down and finds an empty tetra pack drink. With no reaction on her face, she bends down, takes it and throws in the dustbin. An elderly couple walking behind Kanmani’s mom murmur saying ‘Road-la kupai podra old and young generation irukra indha kaalathula, indha Kanmani kutty evalo azhaga mathavanga senja thappai kuda correct pandrala’. Kanmani enters her block in the apartment, walks back to her mother who is walking behind her. Kanmani’s mom is confused. By the time she could guess the reason, Kanmani says ‘Light.. Light off..Light off’. Kanmani’s mom walks to the switch board and switches off the light. Kanmani’s mom climbs the stairs proudly along with her daughter who follows whatever is taught to her diligently. Kanmani grabs the keys from her mom and opens the door of their flat and they both enter into their ‘world of happiness’, without anyone around to judge them.
An hour later, the calling bell rings ‘Ting Tong!’. Kanmani knows who it would be. She runs to the door shouting ‘Nila! Nila!’. Her mom helps her open the door, and Nila walks in with her little pup towards Kanmani.
P.S.Thanks to all the children with special needs and families I have met and worked with over several years. They are my main inspiration. Their smile, discipline, care, love and abilities are contagious. Definitely not the ‘disability’! Empathize and not sympathize.
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